Forgiveness

The past year and half has literally been a nightmare for my sister. I have watched her fight for her little family more then I could have ever imagined. None of this was a result of her choices but was that of her ex-husband. Just as I thought things were bad they seemed to always end up worse. With that being said, I also can't deny the blessings that come from following the Lords commandments. Time and time again I have seen her and her little family protected from pure evil. I know that sounds extreme to say "pure evil" but it truly was. Evil can be EXTREMELY deceiving, it knows how to manipulate and it will do it at any cost. I have watched her ex manipulate his family into believing his lies. It was crazy to see the extremes they were willing to go in his behalf even if it meant at the expense of the children. At times it was hard to except this was reality and what has really happened to her family. It haunted me to see and it broke my heart to see the battle my sister has had to fight and I am sure will have to continue to fight. At the same time I have seen how the truth always brings peace/comfort and lies create chaos and confusion. My sister can walk away from this situation with a clear conscience. She has done everything right.
I have had a hard time the last few weeks comprehending everything that this has come down to. A few weeks ago I spent all day in the court room with sister as she had to defend the needs of her special needs child Bryce. Bryce has Autism, it is severe. The specialist base the severity on a scale. 1 being mild 60 being the most severe. Bryce falls into the category of 51. I have watched her work miracles with this little boy. They have a love and connection with one another like none I have ever seen between Mother and child. When she came here Bryce had pretty much no eye contact, he wouldn't drink out of cup, he had no way of communicating, the list goes on and on. 18 months later you should see the way he looks at his Mom, he will grab any glass of water and drink it (it doesn't matter who's glass, if he wants it, he will have it), and although he is not verbal by any means April has been able to teach him a few bits of sign language he will do, when he is prompted. It sounds very small to most but for those who understand Autism they probabley realize how huge these steps are. To get him where he is was no easy task. To top it all off, Bryce requires a very specific diet. What a HUGE difference that diet makes. The time and cost is extremely high. But, because April is April she has found a way to have the time to cater to those needs as much as her means will allow. It has allowed Bryce to be more comfortable and make the progress he has made. These early years are crucial to Bryce's long term well being. How blessed he is to have a Mom who is willing to do whatever it takes to make his future as bright as possible.
Kathryn is a diamond in the rough. She is happy, she is full of love, she has been the best friend to Layla. She loves her Mom and everyone around her. I hope to be more like her. She is a great twin sister to sweet Bryce and is so understanding of him.
It has been so hard to watch my sister, nephew and niece go through this. It has been a huge part of my family's life this last little bit. I am willing to help as much as I possibly can even though at times I still fall short. I know my little family is trying our best to help ease her burden. I am grateful for family. This is what family is really for. I had my sister-in-law refer to me watching April and helping her is like Hyrum with Joseph as Joseph had to fight many unfair battles. Hearing that brought a new light to this situation for me. I small part of me understands just a sliver of what Hyrum felt as he watched his Brother stand for what was right. I also understand his loyality to his brother. Part of me understands how much it hurt him to watch Joseph go through some of those things. What a gift siblings are in a family unit. It is a type of relationship that can't be put into words. I want to be there for her, I want to be there for her kids. I want to ease that burden as much as I can. It hasn't always been easy balancing our little family and hers. Sometimes I feel like I can't make anyone happy. I know I am trying my absolute best. April and I love each other more then words can say. I love those kids like they are my own. Having her near has been such a blessing for us. I am so sorry it is under these circumstances.
Sunday's church was on forgiveness. It was like every talk given, every lesson taught, every scripture read, every comment shared applied to me. I have been so consumed by this situation. At times it has even put a stress on me and my dear sisters relationship. No matter how much I give it isn't ever going to be enough. Not because of her but because her situation requires so much. I want to be there for her every time she needs help. The reality is can't be there a 100% of the time because her situation requires so much. I still have 3 young kids, a nursing baby and a husband to tend to.What's on her plate requries a team of people. I don't know how she does it.  I am mad at her ex and his family for doing this to her. I am mad at the load they have given everyone to make sense of. I am so very mad at the awful situations Kathryn has been faced with and my heart aches for how helpless Bryce is. The reality is, things may have to get worse before they get better. At the same time I can not let this consume my life. I need to repent for harboring these terrible feelings. I will admit, with all of this being said, my heart does ache for the dark place he is in and the way he has found a way to manipulate those around him and bring them to that level. I know with out a doubt Heavenly Father has a watchful eye out for my sisters little family. I also know that he and his family are also God's children as hard as that is for me to say. I will pray for everyone in this situation. This is my way of holding myself accountable to do so. I know it is what we all need and this is what the atonement is for. Nothing can help ease the feelings that everyone is having on both sides like the atonement. I am grateful for that understanding. I also need to pray for gratitude for the miracles I have seen in her life both big and small. I am grateful my children have  the opportunity to grow so close with the twins because of the time we are able to spend with them having her here. Layla and kathryn are far more then best friends. Those two belong together. Liam at his young age has an understanding and love for Autism. I see him being one of Bryce's biggest advocates. I am so grateful for the family unit and the support that gives. The relationships you have. It is a beautiful thing. I know I need to cope with this situation differently.
On a lighter note, it has finally happened! This hot sister of mine is SINGLE!!! So, if you know anyone who knows anyone :) Just kidding (kind of). She is smart, she is funny (even Josh will admit this, he never thinks females are funny), she can cook, she is as solid and real as any person can be. She just might be my hero :)